Is Pushing Through Tears Really Teaching Perseverance?

Many parents believe that making sure their child finishes a piano practice session — even through tears of frustration — is necessary to teach perseverance. After all, isn’t that how we prepare children to face hard things?

And sometimes, pushing does seem to work — the child finishes the task. But what they may actually be learning is not perseverance, but compliance. Over time, this approach can lead children to avoid challenges altogether. Worse, it can create negative associations with practice and take a toll on their emotional well-being.

When we keep pushing children to practice even when their brains are overloaded, it often takes twice the effort — and leaves behind a painful memory tied to the piano.

Learning to do hard things is essential. But true perseverance grows from two key skills: self-regulation and self-efficacy.

Self-regulation is the ability to manage one’s thoughts, emotions, and actions — especially when facing difficulty. Children are still developing this skill. When they feel overwhelmed, their brains genuinely struggle to focus — not because they’re lazy, but because stress makes learning harder.

Self-efficacy is the belief that “I can do this.” It’s the opposite of helplessness. It gives children the confidence to face challenges because they trust in their ability to figure things out.

The best way to teach perseverance is not by pushing harder, but by nurturing these two skills.

One powerful way to do that? Turn practice into play.

When children play, they naturally demonstrate both self-regulation and self-efficacy — even when the game is difficult. Think of the joy on a child’s face when they solve a tricky puzzle or master a new move in a game. They persist, not because they’re told to, but because they’re engaged.

It doesn’t take big gestures to make practice playful — just small shifts in how we frame the challenge. A simple change in language — from commands to playful storytelling — can transform practice into a game-like adventure. Suddenly, the task becomes exciting instead of exhausting.

Not sure how to start using playful narratives?

Check out our Mission Deck — a set of imaginative prompts that help children see practice challenges as daring missions, themselves as powerful characters, and the piano as their playground.